The Soup Nazi
by Valentina LaFontaine
Summary: Most people would do anything for a good bowl of soup. Sigyn/Loki AU


**Prompt: Sigyn meets the Avengers**

**Characters: Loki/Sigyn with appearances by Hawkeye, Black Widow, Thor and Captain America**

**I was watching Seinfeld and this idea popped into my head. I hope you enjoy. I do not own anything. Not even the Soup Nazi.**

**EDIT: Corrected the last bit. Don't know what I was thinking. My mistake. **

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><p>Natasha Romanova, Steve Rodgers, Clint Barton and Thor decided to take a stroll through the streets of New York. Crime had gone down drastically since they teamed up and they were enjoying a peaceful day off. Natasha sighed and a smile curled on her face.<p>

"Peace time is wonderful, isn't it?" She said. The rest of the troupe nodded in agreement.

"I'm hungry, where shall we eat today?" Clint said, noticing his stomach gurgling with hunger.

"I am as well." Thor placed a finger to his chin. "How does a dish of hamburgers sound?"

Steve shrugged his shoulders skeptically. "We had burgers yesterday. What about Chinese?"

Clint shook his head. "Chinese goes right through me. I end up sitting on the toilet for an hour."

Natasha scrunched her face in displeasure. "And it smells worse than it sounds." Steve and Thor nodded in agreement. Steve noticed a slim man with his black hair slicked back in a suit standing behind a shorter woman with her auburn hair pulled up into a high and large bun at the crown of her head. They didn't talk to each other and they stood at attention and moved when the line moved.

"Loki?" Steve said before rushing across the other side of the street to investigate. They were standing outside a soup line that seemed packed. He grabbed the man by his shoulder and turned him around. "What are you doing here?"

"Get your hands off of me, mortal!" Loki spat. "I am getting soup."

"I see. Another plan to-" Steve paused and blinked in confusion. "Get soup?"

"Are your ears painted on?" the woman finally said, taking Loki by the hand. "Yes, we're getting soup, now leave us alone."

Clint and the others rushed to Steve's side. Clint took one look at the establishment and stood in line behind Loki at attention like the rest. "This is the place I was telling you all about."

"The soup line? Home of the soup Nazi?" Natasha asked.

"He's not a Nazi." The woman said. "He's a genius. He's just a little eccentric."

"And who are you?" Steve asked.

"That is my wife, Sigyn." Loki said not looking at them. She turned around and waved her hand. "Nice to meet all of you."

"Well, I suppose we're having soup." Natasha said getting in line behind Barton. Clint whipped around and shook his head.

"You can't. Not yet. You don't know how to order." The rest of the troupe looked at the other and stared back at Barton.

Loki turned around. "It's so simple even you mortals can grasp it. Stand up straight, speak loud and clear, know what you want to order ahead of time, move to the left, hand your money and leave. Do not ask questions, do not give compliments. Do not do anything to disturb the soup process."

Thor scratched his chin. "I'm afraid I do not understand, brother. We know how to order our meals, what makes him so special."

"Follow our example, brother." Sigyn said. She was next in line. She held her money in hand and stood in front of a thin balding man with a brown mustache and a stern look on his face.

"One large tomato soup, please." She said loudly and clearly before moving to the left. She handed the thin woman with dark red hair her money and in exchange the woman handed her a brown paper bag. She nodded and took the bag before stepping out of line.

"This is ridiculous." Natasha said, folding her arms.

"One large jambalaya soup, please." Loki said and stepped to the left like Sigyn did. He took his brown paper bag and held it to his chest. Clint turned to Natasha. "Do you know what you want?" he asked.

"I cannot decide between mushroom soup and the gumbo."

"You better hurry. You're almost on deck-"

"AHEM!" The man coughed loudly. Clint turned around and he said. "Sorry, sir. May I have a large chicken noddle?" He moved to the left and handed the cashier the money. When he received his soup he looked in the bag and frowned.

"I didn't get any crackers."

"Let it go, Barton." Loki said.

"Excuse me," Barton said in a soft voice. "May I have some crackers?"

The Soup Nazi's eyes went on Barton and he narrowed them. "Fifty cents extra."

"But they got free crackers." Barton said pointing to Sigyn and Loki with his thumb.

"Do not include us in this!" Sigyn said.

"You want crackers?" The Soup Nazi asked, gripping his serving spoon tightly. "ONE DOLLAR EXTRA!"

"But-"

"NO SOUP FOR YOU!" The Soup Nazi screamed and nodded to the cashier. The woman snatched his bag from him and handed his money back to him. Barton stared at his money with a distraught and heartbroken look on his face.

"This isn't right!" Thor said.

"Don't be a hero, brother. It comes with living under a Nazi regime." Loki said. Barton nodded in agreement. "Do not sacrifice your soup for me."

Thor stepped in front of Natasha and said. "Excuse me, sir. That was my friend."

"He's your friend?" The Soup Nazi asked.

"Yes, and I demand that my friend get proper treatment this instance."

"Then you may join him! NO SOUP FOR YOU! YOU ARE BANNED FOR ONE YEAR!"

Thor's mouth dropped and he turned to Loki and Sigyn. "Brother, sister, say something on my behalf."

Sigyn didn't hesitate and held her soup tightly to her. "I do not know him."

Loki looked at his soup bag, then at his brother and then to the Soup Nazi who glared back at them. Loki cleared his throat. "Do I know you, sir?"

Sigyn took Loki's hand and they quickly left. Thor stood there shocked.

"We chose soup over our brother." Sigyn said as she sat on the bench and opened her soup bowl. She dipped her spoon into the bowl, blew on it and sipped it.

"By the gods." She moaned as the delicious tomato soup slipped down her throat.

"Do you regret it?" Loki asked.

"Not even if I was a sinner standing before the gates of Hel. This is better than sex." She said. Loki slurped his soup slowly and savored every last bite.

"Oh god." Natasha sighed. Steve Rodgers rolled his eyes back with every single bite.

"I see the light and it is delicious." He said.

Thor and Clint looked at them bitterly. "I can't believe you're going to drink that and not offer us any." Clint said.

"We gave you a sip." Natasha said. "Now back off."

Clint grabbed his coat and turned on his heel. "I have to see about my soup. I can't take this any longer."

**EPILOUGE:**

Clint practiced the procedure in his head. He must've looked like a crazy man, mumbling to himself and counting the money in his hand over and over again so he'd have correct change. He finally face the stern man.

"One large chicken noddle soup, please." He said, walking to the left and holding his money out to be taken. He was given his brown paper bag and he looked inside. "You gave me crackers. Thank you, sir." He said.

"Do not push your luck, archer." He said. "NEXT! SPEAK UP!"

He nodded and held it close to his chest as he walked. "Chicken noddle, I have missed you so." He said and held the hot bag to his cheek. "How I missed you."


End file.
